“Thought Shawty was the truth, found out she was a cheater,
we were supposed to takeover, I caught her bumping Ether!
I thought shawty like Mike, found out she like Prince,
thought she was Adrian, it’s been Rocky ever since,
My dollars was down, she left me for some Euro’s,
Took my whole flavour, I call her coke zero,
Co-MVP like Kobe and Shaq,
left me for the Heat,
we were winning back to back,
said I partied too much, shawty got fed up,
shawty got Britney shaved her whole head up,
we used to make out, kissing each others face off,
Fell for the ponzi scheme, damn shawty just Made-off.”—Venus vs. Mars- Jay z <3
So I was going to try to do this without crying, but it’s impossible.
So about two years ago the world lost one of the greatest men. His name was Amado Batista. He was my grandfather. And when he died I think he took a part of me with him. He was in the Dominican Republic when he died, so I didn’t get to see him before he died. And I wasn’t able to go to the funeral. That has been bothering me for the past two years,
I miss Pops more than anything in this world. I would give up anything to see him one more time. I remember I used to visit him all the time. His stories were so funny. Even his dirty jokes, well esp. his dirty jokes. He always called the house and he would ask me if I was good and I would say yeah and he would be like do you have money and I would say no and he would say well then you aren’t good. :) He was a good man, I don’t care if he had a lot of kids with too many women. If he hadn’t done that I wouldn’t have the wonderful family I have now.
I cry every night because I think about him. Everything reminds me of him. When I spend time with family I sneak away to the bathroom and cry. I know he would want me to be happy but I miss him so much. I never had a death affect me as much as this one. I love Papa with all my heart till this day and I can’t wait to see him again. I have never gotten over his death. I can’t even talk about him without my voice cracking.
Papa knows alot about me. I told him alot before he died. And I talk to him everynight. I am not crazy, but it comforts me. He knows who I really am, and I hope I make him proud. When I say everything, he knows who I love, who I am, what I love, why I love it and all the in between. I know if he was alive I would tell him anyway because we were close like that.
My little cousin Gregory reminds me so much of him. By the way he looks at girls, and by the way he loves music. How he is so happy, and does things to make everyone laugh. My little cousin resembles Papa in so many ways. Sometimes I think that is why I love him so much. In my mind before babies are born their souls chill in heaven with God and all their dead family. So I think Papa and Gregory had a blast in heaven.
I miss Papa’s hugs and his kisses, his handshakes, his silly faces, his jokes. His funny phonecalls. And all the surprises.
Papa is my hero, I look up to him everyday. I want to be like him. I want to be to go into a room and have it filled with my kids. I want to be able to go anywhere and everyone knows me and loves me at that. I want to be able to be as happy as Papa was. Hell maybe even be a real player like he was.
I know I dont have to tell you to look after Papa for me. But all I do ask is that when it’s my turn that he is the one waiting for me. Not Saint Peter. I want to walk hand in hand with Amado Batista when I get to heaven.
oh he died on a leap year, because Papa is special like that <3
I have had alot of things on my mind. That I just need to let out and walk away from. Because I don’t think I can bottle this up any longer
I have a heart. It has been broken so many times before. I put it back together everytime. But sometimes I miss pieces, some get lost. So in the end my heart isn’t complete. And I try my hardest to have someone care about me the way I care for them. But this time I found the perfect person, just not the ideal situation. And this time my heart broke really bad. But I decided to leave the pieces alone. Because there is no longer a reason. I still love you don’t get me wrong. But I’m shifting to platonic. Because you are a amazing friend, something like a best friend. But this this was just too much for me. I walked into the fire and I got burned a little too much. </3
Now next topic is people who think it’s okay to talk about other people for no good reason. Well not even because everyone does their own share of shit talking once in a blue. What I don’t like is when you pretend to be my friend and smile in my face. But once I turn away you start to talk about me. Like I don’t understand that. It makes no sense to me. I am grown I understand that not everyone is going to like me. Its okay with me. So you don’t have to pretend to be my friend. I don’t need fake people in my life. Just do me the favor and tel me what the problem is. But let’s say you are afraid with confrontation that is fine by me. Just don’t talk to me. You live your life and I live mine. Tell me you don’t like me. It’s okay I won’t cry, I won’t beg for you to come back to me. People lose respect like that. I don’t like alot of people. But they still have my respect. But everyday people are losing respect from me. I am not one to judge because I have my shady days.
But in the end I am me. You can spend a day with me and leave and come back in 5 months, and I will still be the same. Everyone has growth though. People mature. But when you mature you keep your morals, your ideas, your beliefs, your truths and your secrets with you. The only thing that changes is how you carry yourself. I carry myself with dignity and i hold my head up high. None of you will see my downfall. No matter how hard you try or how long you wait. I will strive for the top no matter what.
That was a lot. But it feels good to let it all out. My heart is still shattered, but all the pieces are smiling because they know it’s going to be alright. And plus my night was made by the beautiful and incredible Connie :)
I need you to understand that I am a little bitter. But don’t I have the right to feel that way? I always somehow end up in this situation. I dont know how but my heart is in a million pieces right about now. I am tired of picking up the pieces and putting them back together. What’s the point, if it’s just going to keep breaking. Your my friend and I will help you and I will support you in everything. Because I am your friend before anything. But I want you to know that whenever it’s my turn if i ever get a turn. I’ll be waiting. I don’t care what everyone else says. Fuck them.
happiness is beautiful. when your happy is incredible. because then i am happy. i don’t want you smiling for my sake. i want you smiling just because i want you to be happy. trust me i am racking my brain to see if i can find some way to make you happy.
yes i do things like that for you. because you are a true friend.
I started off writing something totally different. But I erased it, because something else came to mind.
I do certain things for certain people. Sometimes I go further distances for different people. I watched you read for 2 hours. I know for a fact that i wouldn’t do that for anyone else. It was quiet, but not weird quiet. It was beautiful quiet. I even looked up the information on your book and read it. I do certain things for you, to show you that I care.
I cherish friendship. I care about you. I write all of this, because I don’t know how to say it. Because I can’t hear what you are saying when you read this. Also I can’t see your reaction.
I am scared sometimes I guess. You make me nervous, butterflies and all that jazz
So everynight I try my hardest not to miss 11:11. I catch it most times. But if I miss it in the night I will get it during the day lol.
But I wish for the same thing everyday, every single day. Because see I used to wish for something else. And I used to wish for that everday and I got it. I got what I wished for. So now everyday I wish not to lose it. Because if I lose it, I don’t know what I’d do with myself.
Well yes I do. I wouldn’t stop until I got it back. Because I don’t give up. Whoever does is weak. I don’t like weak people. Anywho, 11:11 worked for me. So that’s why I don’t stop.
Maybe I am just caught up in a dream. Oh well, this dream is amazing and I don’t want it to stop.
Your my 11:11 wish. Didn’t know how else to tell you. You’ll never see this. You don’t even know I write these. Unless you someone told you, and you happened to favorite this like i dont know some type of stalker. lmaoo
its okay though. if the above statement is true than my heart will do a happy dance. Because that means alot to me, that you might be reading all the crap I write.
P.S i miss my son and my step-son lolol duckiie and bear
“If I was ever so lucky to find the perfect woman I would give her flowers everyday and not just any flowers, okay? Her favorites are orchids, white, and breakfast in bed… six loaves of wheat toast with butter on both sides, no crust. The way she likes it. I’d be her shoulder to cry on and her best friend and I’d spend everyday trying to think of how to make her laugh. She has the most, most amazing laugh. Well that’s what I would do if it were you.”—Melman- Madagascar 2 <3